Zoe's Birth Story Pt2

When you have a newborn, everyone tells you how much they sleep and to try to nap when the baby is napping. Ha, that's funny. Zoe does not like to sleep and I spend about an hour or so trying to get her down, as such, I haven't had time to type the second part of her birth story.

I left off as I was being wheeled into the OR for a non emergency nor planned C-Section. At this point in time I was completely exhausted. I don't know if I had ever felt so exhausted in my life. It was the hardest struggle to keep my eyes open, but I was doing everything I could to keep them open because there was no way I was going to be asleep for the birth of my own child. The anesthesiologist came in and upped my epidural meds. As he was doing so, he told me I would be feeling a lot of pressure once they take the baby out, but he would warn me before that happened. My husband was able to sit next to me in the OR. I don't really remember what we were talking about or really even what I was thinking during this process, because I was so tired.

It was such a strange feeling, not feeling anything but them moving me around every now and then. I kept trying to wiggle my toes but they weren't responding. It's not a feeling I like. I hate feeling so vulnerable and not in control. The anesthesiologist leaned down and told me I would start feeling the pressure now. I looked up at him asked if they'd already cut me open. He laughed and said they had...trippy, again didn't feel a thing (I know that's the point of anesthesia, but still). All of a sudden, I heard a faint cry. I turned to husband and said, oh my gosh, I can hear her crying. With tears in his own eyes, he said, I know me too! The tears in husbands eyes, were awesome to see, I don't think I've ever seen him cry.  Once they took her out, my husband got to walk over and watch them clean her off and take Apgar score readings. Since there was a giant hanging sheet in my way, I couldn't see a thing. It seemed to take forever to get her cleaned up. They finally brought her over to me and I got a look at her for the first time.

Honestly, it didn't even feel real! People say that the moment they saw there baby, there whole world changed. I'm not going to lie, I didn't instantly bond with my baby, It took weeks because it even felt real or like I had actually become a mother, but more on that in another post.

Zoe's birth stats are as follows: 

Born at 11:50pm on April 27, 2017

7lbs 15oz (she pooped right when she came out, and the nurse swears she would have been 8lbs had she not)

19.5 inches long

So that's it. That is how I became a mom! Now, sit back and enjoy some pictures.

In case you missed it, you can read part 1 here

Zoe's Birth Story Pt 1

First, Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers and future others out there. .What better way to celebrate, by posting the story about how I became a mother.

Holy criminy!!!! I'm a mom!!! It's been a little over 2 weeks and I am still trying to wrap my head around that thought. I can't believe it, all of the past nine months have culminated and I am finally holding Zoe in my arms. After I went to the hospital a few weeks ago because I was having contractions, I kept praying that my water would break so this time they couldn't send me home. Well...it did, which is he beginning of Zoe's birth story.

On April, 27, 2017 (Zoe's due date) I was at work just having got back from Whole Foods to get some lunch. I was maybe 10 minutes into eating lunch at my desk, when I felt something (which I thought was just discharge), but I noticed it seemed like more than before, so I stood up to go to the bathroom to check it out. As soon as I stood, it  started to trickle down my leg. I high tailed it to the bathroom and it really started coming down. I tried to stop the flow by clenching every muscle that I could think of, and I finally realized, that my water had broken. I sat on the toilet for about 3-4 minutes into the flow started to slow down. I knew I had to get to my phone at my desk to call my husband. I made a makeshift pad using the worlds largest wad of toilet paper. I stood up and it seemed to be holding. I made my was out of the bathroom, but as soon as I was out of the doors, it started flowing like crazy again. One of coworkers was standing right outside of the bathroom and as I turned to run back in she asked me if everything was ok. I told her that I thought my water had just broken and I ran back into a stall.

Within 2 minutes most of the ladies on the second floor entered the bathroom, asking me if I was alright, handing me diapers (newborn diapers to be exact) to help absorb everything. One of my co-workers brought my phone and I made the call to Max. Even though, I've spent the last 9 months complaining about how I can't wait to go into labor so I don't have to be pregnant anymore, I started to freak out This was really happening.

I had to make my way downstairs to meet my husband. I put about 4 diapers down on my underwear like a pad and one of my co-workers handed me a towel. They originally tried to wheel me out on my office chair, but me being super proud wasn't having any of that. I took the elevator down. The contractions started right about the time I hit the first floor.

By the time we made it to the hospital, the contractions were in full swing. I got checked in and the nurse checked me and said I was 6cm dilated. I was actually surprised that it was that much and I started to get a little afraid that I wouldn't be getting an epidural because the anesthesiologist on call was in surgery and would be out for at least an hour. From the time I arrived until about an hour before birth, I started getting the shivers crazy bad. I don't think I've ever shaken so hard. The nurse told me it was from all the hormones and adrenaline. She took my temperature and I had a 102.8 fever. She kept asking me if I felt sick at all and I told her I didn't.

It was about 2ish hours before the anesthesiologist was able to come in. I'm glad we took that baby preparedness class and I learned breathing techniques, because I needed them. At the time he came in I was 8cm dilated. The epidural went pretty easy and I only felt a small pinch when it was being inserted. The hardest part of it was having contractions while he was administering it and have to keep completely still. Luckily my husband was right there helping me out.

After the epidural kicked in, it was pretty easy breezy. I could feel the intense pressure..ahem...down there, but that was about it. The on call doctor (mine wasn't available) and nurses kept coming in to check on me and the baby. They started to get worried because every time I had a contraction, Zoe's heart rate would decrease. They started talking about a c-section as pushing could exacerbate the problem. A c-section was the last thing I wanted, but the doctor kept insisting. They watched me for another 2 hours or so and the doctor decided to make the call. He said that I had already been in labor for 10 hours and I was probably looking at another 2-3 hours of pushing (which I was fine with). He said he just wanted to get her out. I honestly felt pressured and kind of bullied into getting a c-section, but I consented because I would have felt awful if pushing did make it worse and something happened to Zoe. I signed all of the consent forms and was wheeled into an OR for a non-emergency c-section...

To be continued...

5 Stages of Grief Applied to the Final Weeks of Pregnancy

I'm sure at some point you've taken a psychology class and learned about the 5 stages of grief: 

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

As I've stated in a lot of my previous posts , I have not had what I consider an "easy" pregnancy. In fact I've downright hated being pregnant. Usually these stages are usually applied to losing a loved one. However, I have found them applicable to my final weeks of pregnancy. Mostly regarding my due date and when I would finally give birth.

1. Denial: After hearing from my doctor a few weeks ago that I would likely not make it the full 40 weeks, I believed her wholeheartedly. Anytime anyone would tell me that statistically, first time mothers tend to go over 40 weeks with their first. I childishly told them, that I was not just another statistic, I would not even make it to 40 weeks, my doctor told me so. I refused to make any appointments or plans (starting at week 36) because I just knew I was going to go into labor at any moment.
2. Anger: I actually feel like the next 3 stages, anger bargaining, and depression where slightly muddled together. I definitely felt each one, but one day, I was angry the next depressed, halfway through that same day I was bargaining. I was angry because I each subsequent appointment I went to since being told I probably wouldn't make it to 40 weeks, there was little to no progress. In fact each time I went, it was looking like more and more that I could possibly be a first time mother statistic. I was angry at my doctor for getting my hopes up, I was angry at my body for not doing what it was supposed to do, and I was angry at my unborn child for being so stubborn.
3. Bargaining: Around 37 and a half weeks, I started Googling ways to naturally induce labor. I bounced on a yoga ball all night, ate an entire pineapple in one sitting, took castor oil (not recommended), ate eggplant parmesan (don't you love all of these random old wives tales about inducting pregnancy), going on long walks, climbing stairs, and doing squats every night. I begged my body and prayed every night that if I could just give birth I promise I would be happier and stop complaining about everything in my life so much. I promised that I would never complain about another body ailment again.
4. Depression: After about a full week of trying these remedies (most of them daily), I realized it wasn't working. I honestly did fall into a state of depression. I swore I would never give birth, that I would be miserable for the rest of my life. I kept thinking I was being punished for something because I hadn't given birth (dramatic I know). I felt like everyone else who was due in April (and some who were due in May) were already given birth and here I was still pregnant. I developed major babyitis (think senioritis when you were in school) and didn't care about anything at work. In fact every time some came up to me with an issue that needed to be solved, I just got annoyed because their petty little problem had nothing on the way I was feeling.
5. Acceptance: Finally, I am at the final stage, acceptance. This past weekend it really hit me about how immature, selfish, and ridiculous I was being regarding my due date and giving birth. I had tried nearly every natural labor inducing remedy (that I considered safe for me and my baby) I could find and I was still pregnant. Clearly, she is not done baking and needs more time. I know that I wont be pregnant for ever. Even if I go past my due date (which is this Friday 4/28/2017) I will likely only be pregnant for 2 weeks longer because then my doctor said she would induce. I've realized that Zoe will come when she is ready and there is nothing I can do to make her come earlier. And believe it or not, I actually feel peace at this thought.

I am super excited to meet our little girl soon and I honestly do think as long as she is healthy and happy, that is all that matters. I feel stupid that I spent all that time in the stages of grief when I wasn't even close to my due date yet. I wasted a lot of time pouting when I could have been enjoying my last few weeks not adhering to anyone's schedule but my own. One of my biggest fears at becoming a mom, was my own selfishness. I consider myself to be pretty selfish, I like to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. I have to admit, pregnancy has taught me a lot about preparing for what is to come. What it will be like to put someone before myself. I am really excited about this growth and look forward to how much more I will grow once I have Zoebot in my arms!

Pregnancy Update: Weeks 36 & 37

Well, it's been quite an interesting few weeks for me. This week (week 38 has been even more interesting) but alas this is a recap of the 2 previous weeks. I am now at weekly doctors visits, and for the last 2 visits I have been 1cm dilated and 50% effacement. My doctor told me at my visit 2 weeks ago, that she didn't think I would make it to 40 weeks, which made me really happy, but then after last weeks appointment with no progress, I got a little discouraged. I know she will come when she's ready, but dangitall, we're ready and the waiting game is crazy. I have been less and less active as the weeks tick by. It's getting harder and more uncomfortable to move around. I started doing nightly squats and sitting/bouncing on a yoga ball. I heard these things can help get Zobot into the correct position and possible help for an easier labor.

Most recent bump pic. 

I don't really have much more to say, thanks to the fact that I am writing this post 2 weeks later and honestly can't remember much of what happened (not necessarily because of pregnancy brain, I'm just forgetful). I stopped wearing my fitbit because of the lovely rash that has taken residence all over my body because of pregnancy, so I don't have a detailed account of what I did each day as far as staying active. I know if week 36 I was active maybe 4 out of 7 days and last week I was active even less. As I mentioned earlier, it's getting harder to lug this bump around. I still haven't really experienced any swelling at all which I am thankful for and still no major heartburn. Besides just being large and in charge, my only other real discomfort is the rash. It itches all over my body, except for my stomach where it burns. It's worse when I put/get anything on it (including water). I starting rubbing Vaseline on my belly and it seems to help a bit.

That's all I have for now.

Pregnancy Update: Week 35

This is just a quick pop in and a short update.

Things continue to get harder on the pregnancy front. The PUPPS I mentioned in my last post are getting worse and really keeping me up at night. I'm hoping at my next appointment tomorrow, my doctor has some suggestions on what I can do, because I know I don't have any other choice, but I don't think I can continue on like this for another 4 weeks. It's gotten to the point that where my unfortunate stretch marks are, burn and sting (and I haven't even scratched there). I constantly have to lightly rub the area to avoid pain.

As far as running goes, I really do believe that my running days are actually over. I tried for as long as I could, but running hurts my hips and back way too much during and after running. Walking even hurts those two things, but to a more bearable level. I really wanted to run throughout pregnancy, but unfortunately I got a late start. I am happy that I made it to week 36 though!

Likely my last run this pregnancy :(

Sunday, 3/26 - Rest

Monday, 3/27 - 35 minute run/walk

Tuesday, 3/28 - 40 minute walk

Wednesday, 3/29 - 30 minute walk

Thursday, 3/30 - 30 minute walk

Friday, 3/31 - Rest

Saturday, 4/1 - 1 hour walk

Pregnancy Update: Week 34

Here I am at the end of week 34 (I will actually be 36 weeks tomorrow, because it took me so long to write a new post) and week 34 has come with a slew of horrible new symptoms.  I feel like I've been complaining a lot about pregnancy related symptoms, but somethings that are happening are crazy. I seem to keep being in the slim percentage of things that happen to pregnancy women. I don't think I've mentioned this before, but since becoming pregnant, I have suffered from Perioral Dermitis which is basically a fancy way of saying inflammation around the mouth. However, this inflammation is very red, itchy, and it peels a lot. Doctors are not sure exactly what cause it and it is not only pregnant women affected with it. They think it may be a fungal infection. Mine was likely caused because I have been experiencing extremely dry lips and started using Vaseline. I'd put it on at night and by morning my lips were as soft as a baby's bottom. Little did I know that petrolatum jelly acts as a barrier and can actually trap fungus and bacteria. Overusing it can cause infection. It is not something that can just go away on it's own either, it is a chronic condition. I was told by my doctor that there is an anti-fungal pill that can clear it up in 3 days, but pregnant and nursing mothers shouldn't take it. I've checked out forums and a lot of people say using maximum strength Lomotrin (the athletes foot stuff) cures it, unfortunately, the main ingredient in maximum strength is...you guessed it, unsafe for pregnancy. It just sucks that I have this ring of itchy fire around my mouth at all times :(.

My next recent ailment is something calls PUPPPs (Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy). It's basically a rash that develops (usually in the 3rd trimester) that starts out on the abdomen, but then spreads to the rest of the body. Only 1% of women develop PUPPPS in pregnancy. The only cure for this bad boy, giving birth. Usually symptoms clear up within a week of getting birth. So in short, I am one crank ball of itchy burning mess. The itching is so bad, it actually wakes me up in the middle of the night. I honestly wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!

Besides skin conditions, I do believe Baybay Day has started to make her descent down the pelvis. Things are a lot more uncomfortable down there. I have had a lot of trouble sleeping at night not only because of the PUPPPS, but also I will wake up with extreme cramping in my hips. It's also really hard to get comfortable enough because of my large belly, so I end up staying up once I've woken up. Needless to say. I am looking forward to giving birth. I wonder if that's the plan. Make you miserable in your final month that you actually look forward to labor (even though once labor comes, I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune!).

Ok, complaining and symptoms aside, here's how my workouts went this week:

Sunday, 3/19 - 40 minute walk
Monday, 3/20 - 30 minute walk
Tuesday, 3/21 - 35 minute run/walk
Wednesday, 3/22 - Rest
Thursday, 3/23 - 40 minute walk durning lunch, 40 minute walk in the evening
Friday, 3/24 - Rest
Saturday, 3/25 - 40 minute swim

As you can see a lot of walking has been going on and I've only been doing the bare minimum of 30 minutes per day. Definitely some room for improvement.

Pregnancy Update: Weeks 32 & 33

I wanted to keep doing weekly updates of my pregnancy, but alas, I seem to be horrible at actually taking the time to sit down and write things out. The bad thing about writing about events that happened 2 weeks ago, is remembering events that happened 2 weeks ago. Pregnancy brain is no joke. So, unfortunately, I don't technically have a lot of updates. I continue to log my workouts each day, so I remember those, but as far as symptoms and the like..not so much.

Well, onto what I can remember. Zoe seems to be a lot more active these days. It actually is starting to feel a little less uncomfortable when she does move (I think I may be getting used to the movements). Sleeping is a thing of the past. I can never seem to get comfortable enough to either A.) fall asleep or B.) stay asleep. I bought a Snoogle back when I was about 16 weeks along (if you are pregnant or thinking about becoming pregnant and don't have one, STOP reading and purchase one now!) and it has been a life saver! However, I think I am just too big now to actually reap the benefits. My stomach just feels too heavy lying down and my shoulders and hips are sore from always lying on my side. We are lucky enough to have a bed that reclines and moves, but even that is super uncomfortable now :(. I guess this is just my body preparing itself for the sleepless nights to come once Zoe comes.

Over the past month I came up with the grand idea to turn our tandem 3rd car garage area into a home gym. That way, once I give birth, I don't have to worry about going to a gym (and everything that goes with it, ie: dressing Zoe, loading her in the car, having no available equipment I want to use at the gym, etc.) and I could just have her in her swing or something out there with me. I already had a treadmill and TV, so I just needed a few more items. Below is a pic of the nearly finished product.

Side note: the "Just Don't Quit" you see on the wall, the "NT" and QU" were actually grey and blended in perfectly with my already grey walls. I had to sit there with a Sharpie and color them in black to be visible :|

I ordered some adjustable weights, Bosu, workout bench, plyo box, TRX suspension kit, yoga blocks, trainer for bicycles (turns regular old bikes into stationary bikes) and pull up bar. The only thing missing from this picture is the giant gym floor mat and the actual hung TRX suspension straps (they are on the ground in this picture).

I'm also really excited because I have come up with what workout I will be doing post pregnancy. Originally I wanted to focus back on running and specifically training for a marathon, but I've heard with a new baby, things can get pretty rough and you have to be flexible. So, I figured until things settle down and a routine is established, my marathon dreams would yet again go on the back burner. Instead, I will be doing the Bikini Body Guide by Kayla Istines. My co-worker told me about this program and after looking at all of the amazing transformations on Instagram, I was sold. If that many women are seeing results, then there's gotta be something to it. Each week there are 3 resistance workouts lasting 28 minutes and the other 2-3 days of the week you are to do a LISS (Low Intensity Steady State) workout for 30-45 minutes. I plan to run on those days. I'm excited to get started and thinking (at least for now) that I will be able to find 28 minutes out of my day to get it done.

Last but not least, my activity for the past 2 weeks. Last week was a very busy week for me, I had almost zero time after work each day, so don't judge the lack of activity.

For the week of 3/5/17 to 3/10/17

• Sunday, 3/5 - 45 minute run/walk
• Monday, 3/6 - 45 minute walk
• Wednesday, 3/7 - 25 minute walk
• Thursday, 3/8 - 3 mile run/walk
• Friday, 3/9 - 45 minute walk
• Saturday, 3/10 - Rest

From 3/5/17 run/walk

For the week of 3/11/17 to 3/16/17

• Sunday, 3/11- 30 minute walk
• Monday, 3/12 - 50 minute walk
• Wednesday, 3/13 - 40 minute walk
• Thursday, 3/14 - 30 minte walk
• Friday, 3/15 - Rest
• Saturday, 3/16 - 1 hour run/walk

Welp, that's all for now. Until next time!

Pregnancy Update: Week 31

With the start of the 31st week means I have only single digit amount of weeks left until birth (at least I hope she doesn't decide to stay in there too long after my due date). It's crazy how fast the weeks are going by. Most have told me once you enter the 3rd trimester, time starts to creep, but it's still been blowing by to me.
I had my baby shower this Saturday. I'm not going to lie, I was a little worried that my host would put all this work into preparing a lunch, decorating, coming up with fun baby shower games, just to have no one show up. I started getting a lot of people telling me they would no longer be able to make it the day before the shower. But, it was still a good turnout, about 20 people which I thought was a perfect size. Anyone who knows me, knows I am not the greatest with children (which is why becoming a parent is going to be really interesting). I'm not good at baby talk or baby related things. When doing our baby registry my husband, who knows nothing about children either (aren't we a great parental match), and I found a "must haves" list online for items we have to have right after birth. We didn't even know what a lot of the items were. Anyway, we received a gift from a friend that I had no idea what it was. Since I am such a tactful person I loudly declared at my baby shower after opening the gift that I wasn't sure what it was. The package said it was a wearable blanket, so I said I'm assuming it's a blanket that kids can wear like a Snuggie. My friend then told me that I had registered for it. Wow...I felt like an idiot. I then thanked her so much and told her the story how I am clueless on all things baby. I've been doing all this research in preparation, but I still know absolutely nothing. I didn't take very many pictures, but you can see some of the food at the shower below.

Incredible open faced turkey sandwhich

Strawberry shortcake

Party favors

My belly continues to itch like cray, but others have been commenting on my ability to hold my bladder and balancing skills. I'll take it. As far as my fitness this week, there was room for improvement, but I have been seriously lacking on sleep thanks to the big belly up front. I just can't get comfortable and I am often waking up about every 45 minutes or so to try to get comfortable again. I'm still feeling pretty good when I run. I think the support belt I wear helps a ton! This is what my week looked like:

• Sunday, 2/26 - 30 minute walk @ lunch
• Monday, 2/27 - 35 minute walk @ lunch, 30 minute run/walk later in the day
• Tuesday, 2/28 - 40 minute walk @ lunch 
• Wednesday, 3/1 - 40 minute speed walk
• Thursday, 3/2 - 20 minute walk @ lunch, 50 minute run/walk later in the day + full body circuit
• Friday, 3/3 - 1 hour and 20 minute walk
• Saturday 3/4 - Rest

A lot of walking this week and not much running. Most of them taking during lunch a just above a leisurely pace. This week I hope to get a bit more running and strength training in. I am slacking big time on the strength portion. Looking forward to another week to mark off the calendar and one more week closer to meeting Zoe.

Pregnancy Update: Week 30

I swear these weeks re starting to go by faster now. I hope this pace keeps up, because I am ready to for the end! This week of pregnancy brought a new nuance...stretch marks. I thought I was going to sneak free of getting theses suckers as I've been lathering on lotion like...well...someone who lathers a lot of lotion on. But I have a few. I bought a new cream called Mederma to see if it will help any in the long run. I also realized I haven't been talking about weight gain at all in any of my updates. So far as of today, 2/27/17 I have gained 27lbs. Which is a little scary. I hear a lot of women gain a pound a week in the final trimester which means I could potentially gain 10 more pounds and on my small frame, I don't know how I'll function.

The skin on my belly this week has started to itch like CRAZY! And there is really nothing I can do about it. If I try to even lightly scratch it, it burns. I thought mosquito bites were something to complain about. I got another prenatal massage last week, and I think I'd rather have paid for her to give me a good scratch down (please don't read that as creepily and weirdly as it sounds).

In our prepared birth class this week, we learned more about the different stages of labor and comforting techniques. We also went over what to expect with my body postpartum. I am happy to report, that the biggest fear I have about labor is no longer not getting an epidural. I know the pain is going to be mad crazy intense, but I figure if I've arrived at the hospital too late for an epidural, than I've already gone through a lot of the painful contraction, now all I'd have to deal with is the "ring of fire" birth. My new big fear...an episiotomy or tearing. It does not sound like fun to have to try and use the bathroom after that.

In the world of Pregnancy fitness. I'm slowing down more. I've found it hard to summon the same energy I had in the 2nd trimester. I'm starting to believe that the 2nd trimester really is the "honeymoon" trimester of pregnancy. This week I was able to workout 5 out of 7 days.

• Sunday, 2/19 - 1 hour walk
• Monday, 2/20 - 30mins elliptical + 30 minute walk
• Tuesday, 2/21 - 30min walk + 40 minute swim
• Wednesday, 2/22 - 45min walk
• Thursday, 2/23 - 35min walk
• Friday, 2/24 - 40min walk
• Saturday, 2/25 - 45min swim

Pre-swim bathroom selfie...classy...I know!

As you can see there was a lot of walking last week, I'm not even really sure if I can consider walking as exercise, but my heart rate gets high enough that I consider it exercise. I swam twice this week, and I m loving it. As I feel my running journey coming to an end with this pregnancy, I might replace it with swimming. I'm excited to see what this week will bring!

My Journey Through Infertility Pt. 4, IVF Results

This is the final part in a series about my journey with infertility.

***Disclaimer: I'm getting down and dirty with my journey of infertility and the process involved. I will be using anatomical terms, sex and bodily fluids in my descriptions. Basically I want to paint as real of a picture as I can. If it's not something you think you can handle, I suggest you stop reading now.***

I left off saying that I was given instructions that I would have to be on bed rest for the next 3 days. Their definition of bed rest meant, no more than 1 flights of stairs per day, and less than 15 minutes of walking around per day. This was really hard for me. I'm a stir crazy person, so 3 days without moving...torture. After the 3 days, starts the dreaded 2 week wait. In 2 weeks time I would be able to take a pregnancy test to see if it worked. I had to wait to weeks because pregnancy test are actually testing for hCG in the blood, and since I had given myself the shot before the ER it could produce a false positive if I took it earlier than that. During those 2 weeks, I swear I was feeling funny in my abdomen and I swore I was more tired and thirsty than normal. I had built all of this up so much that I was certain it has worked and I was pregnant.

I got the okay to start running again during the 2 week wait I was told to run very slowly because they didn't want me to "shake things up" down there. 2 days before I was scheduled to go in for my pregnancy test, I started bleeding. I was so completely devastated! That whole time I convinced myself it had worked, that I was one of the 37% of women who got pregnant the first time. I was so upset that day, I went out on a 6 mile run with a friend, and I gave it all I had. I ran like I was racing, I just kept telling myself there was no point to slow down, it didn't work anyway. By the end of the run I was gasping for air and ready to burst into tears. When I got home, I told Max the news that I had started my period and I lost it. I started crying uncontrollably. I thought it had worked, what was wrong with me? I felt bad because Max was trying to console me, but I was inconsolable. I cried myself to sleep that night.

The next day I continued to mope around, but I was no longer crying. I went to work with the happiest face I could muster and somehow made it through the day. When I got home, it occurred to me that I hadn't bled at all that day (which is rare for me as my first 3 days of my period are very heavy). I had told a co-worker that the IVF didn't work because I started to bleed and that meant my period was starting. She mentioned that it could be implantation bleeding. I Googled implantation bleeding and I tried to keep my hopes down this time. I didn't want to fool myself into thinking the IVF worked. Even though I still had to wait until the next day to take the blood pregnancy test, I went out and bought a pregnancy test. I took it got a big fat positive (BFP). As excited as I was, I still was wary that the hCG from the shot could still be floating around in there.

The blood pregnancy test I took the next day was a 2 part series. The first, a baseline test, would test the level of hCG in my blood and then I would go back in in 3 days and take another test and they would compare the levels of my first test, to my second test. If the second test showed a higher amount of hCG in my blood, the test was positive. The day I took the second blood pregnancy test, I got the call from my doctor, that I was in fact pregnant. I cannot even begin to explain the joy, relief and fear that set in. I was so happy to be one of the 37% that got pregnant on their very first try. I was excited that I was finally going to get to become a mother, and I was also terrified that I was going to become a mother.

Since I got the BFP I continued running and exercising. My doctor said exercise wouldn't cause an automatic miscarriage. I have definitely taken it a lot easier since I found out though...just in case.

If you missed it, you can read the previous parts in the series by clicking the links below.

Part 1, Clomid and Ultrasounds
Part 2, Intrauterine Insemination (IUI)
Part 3, In Vitro Fertilization

My Journey Through Infertility Pt. 3, In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)

***Disclaimer: I'm getting down and dirty with my journey of infertility and the process involved. I will be using anatomical terms, sex and bodily fluids in my descriptions. Basically I want to paint as real of a picture as I can. If it's not something you think you can handle, I suggest you stop reading now.***

This is the 3rd part in a series about my journey with infertility. If you missed it, here is part 1 and part 2.

I left off with taking a pregnancy test and it showing as negative, we were left with a few options after that point. Adoption, going back to trying au naturale, doing a laparoscopy procedure to see if I had endometriosis, or in vitro fertilization (IVF). My husband and I were seriously considering all options. I'd always thought that I may have had endometriosis as I have nearly every symptom. Dr. F told us that if we went the laparoscopy path, that if any endometrial growth was found, it would be removed and there was a likely chance it would grow back. We decided against this option because what if I had endometriosis and they removed them, then while we were trying to conceive they grew back and we'd be right back in the same boat we are now minus $10,000.

Around this time we were still looking in to adoption. In all honesty, I'd always wanted to adopt because I was adopted myself and I think of where I would have ended up were it not for a family of my own. However, with the application process, home studies and the hefty $40,000 fee for a private adoption we were hesitant. We briefly considered foster-to-adopt, but were afraid of losing a child we'd fallen in love with.

We went back in and spoke with the doctor about IVF (colloquially known as artificial insemination). We went over costs, the procedure, and the odds of conceiving. The actual procedure of IVF itself was around $9,500 and medication that would need to be taken prior to would range from $3,000 to $6,000. Then there was an egg storage fee of $995 and an embryo transfer fee of about $3,000. If you are not a human calculator, that equates to $22,495 and there was a 37% chance of conceiving a child on the first go (at this specific facility). The doctor said that on average it takes around 3 times of IVF treatments to conceive and bear a child. If it really took us 3 times, than we were looking at a total cost of $67,485 (keep in mind, our insurance did not cover any of this, we would have to pay all out of pocket). The doctor told us we could finance the cost, but my husband and I didn't like the idea of taking our baby out on loan. Adoption was starting to sound like a good option as we would be guaranteed a child with the $40,000.

After a lot of discussion back and forth, Max and I finally decided to give IVF a try, but one round only. If that didn't work, adoption it was. Max's dad kindly gave us $10,000 towards the procedure. We found out for me, the cost of meds would be around $3,000. I had to sit with an IVF nurse coordinator who went over the entire procedure in depth. In short, I would start off with an ultrasound after my last period. Then I was given instructions about the medication I was to take. I would have to inject Lupron (a drug that basically stops your menstrual cycle and more importantly it stops ovulation, this way any eggs can fully develop and the doctor could control when they are released.) into my abdomen 2 times a day, once in the morning, and then again at night for the first 2 weeks. After that, I would start injecting both Gonal-F (a follicle stimulating hormone to promote ovaries to mature multiple eggs rather than just one) and the absolute worst injection ever, Menopur (helps eggs to mature). I lovingly referred to Menopur as liquid fire. That's what it felt like going in, it burned sooooo bad. So, all in all, I was injecting my self 4 times per day throughout the process.

When I first started the IVF process, I was right in the middle of training for the San Francisco Half Marathon and was told by the doctors, when I start the IVF treatments, I wouldn't be allowed to exercise. I begged and pleaded with my doctors if there was anyway I could still run the half. They agreed and said absolutely no exercise after July 31, 2016. I had a doctors appointment the Monday following the race and found out I had about 11 fully mature eggs I was carrying around and they decided it was time to start the egg retrieval process. I had to give myself one more injection, an hCG shot to trigger ovulation.

The egg retrieval (ER) process is a very vulnerable experience. I was completely out, under anesthesia, with my legs in stirrups and my husband was not allowed to be in the room during the procedure. I'd done my online research prior to the ER and a lot of women said when they woke up, they looked about 4 months pregnant because of all the bloating. A lot of women also talked about extreme pain immediately after. When I woke up from the procedure my belly looked normal. Yes, I was slightly sore, but nothing like what I had read. As the days went on, I did get a little more sore and a little more bloated, but again, nothing extreme. They were able to get 9 eggs from me.

During the next 5 days, the doctor combined the eggs he had taken from me and my husbands sperm and allowed them to fertilize and grow in a petri dish. After 5 days, I went back in to have 1 embryo transferred (Max and I were able to decide how many we wanted implanted at one time we went with one). They told us that they were able to fertilize 7 of the 9 eggs (the rest would go into storage for future use). During this procedure I was kept awake but given Valium to help me relax. I gotta say, me on Valium is pretty trippy. Everything felt like it was happening in a dream and not real life. Anyway, there were able to transfer the one fertilized egg directly to my uterus and I was told I would be on bed rest (they called them "princess days") for the next 3 days, then after that, I would be able to take a blood pregnancy test in 2 weeks.

I will leave off here as it's a good stopping point. My final post in the series will be how I felt during the 2 week wait and the results, which have already been spoiled multiple times by me :).

Pregnancy Update, Week 29

Yep, that's about how I'm feeling now.

Wow, week 29 has already came and went. Zoe is really starting to pick up with her wiggles and I'm getting more and more excited to meet her. I've noticing myself wondering what she looks like in there now. Our last 4d ultrasound was almost 3 months ago...in fact that was also my last ultrasound. I wonder how big she is, what she looks like...

This week, the fatigue has started to kick back in. I notice by the end of the day all I want to do is lay down. Honestly, most of the day, all I can think about is when I'll get to lay down. I still haven't let this interfere with my staying active plans, but it's just starting to get harder. The motivation I felt after making up that pregnancy workout plan is waning, but I think I might have actually established a habit. Pre-pregnancy I was so used to running, I ran even when I absolutely didn't want to, and so far, the same has been true with my exercise schedule. This last week there was only one day I didn't stay on schedule. I was feeling completely exhausted and I had really pushed myself the day before. I thought that my body needed a rest and I might do more damage if I didn't rest, so I made it a rest day instead.

I actually got up to a full on run this week. Most of "runs" have been barely above a walking pace, but I actually got up to more of a running pace, and while I could hold it, it felt so good and freeing. Again, I did pay for it the next day, but it was worth it. Here is what my week looked like:

• -Sunday 2/12 - Rest
• -Monday 2/13 - 30 minute walk and 40 minutes on the elliptical followed by leg circuit
• -Tuesday 2/14 - 30 minutes walk and 30 minute run/walk followed by arm circuit
• -Wednesday 2/15 - 45 minutes walk and 45 minutes of yoga
• -Thursday 2/16 - 45 minute run/walk followed by arm circuit
• -Friday 2/17 - Rest
• Saturday 2/18 - 4 mile run/walk

Again, another pretty good week for me activity wise. My husband and I started a prepared birth class on Wednesday and will be going every Wednesday for the next 6 weeks. In the first class we learned about the signs of labor and different stages. I have to admit, I'm even more terrified of giving birth than I was prior to the class. We watched countless women in all the different stages of labor. I loved that at the end of the class a women raised her hand and asked if we'd be learning about epidurals sometime soon. My thoughts exactly.

Unfortunate Truths Regarding How I feel About My Own Pregnancy

I really don't want to write this post.

I feel guilty even thinking the things I have been thinking.

I hate the negative energy I'm likely passing on to my unborn child.

But I feel if I don't get this out, these thoughts will continue to consume me.

I hate being pregnant...

There...I said it...it's out. I hate being pregnant. It's been hard for me to hold onto this facade of loving every moment, when it's just not true. I have had multiple friends tell me how much they loved being pregnant, that this was the best time of their lives. I feel absolutely guilty saying that this has probably been one of the worst times of my life. What I'm about to say next is probably the most selfish thing someone can say when carrying a child, but I miss being me.

I miss being able to walk more than 10 minutes with braxton hicks contractions starting up and then continuing for the rest of the day.

I miss being able to eat a full meal and not feel like my stomach is going to rip open from being so full.

I miss being able to run without stopping every few minutes to catch my breath.

I miss shopping for whatever clothes I want and not being limited to a tiny rack at a store.

I miss sleeping on my stomach and/or back.

I miss being able to eat a slice of pizza without massive heartburn following.

I've been reading a ton of running mother blogs and looking at #pregnantrunner and #runningfortwo posts on instagram for inspiration, hoping I'd feel better, but the sad truth is, it only makes me more bitter. Why are there so many blogger and women on instagram that are 32+ weeks pregnant still able to run 6+ miles at a sub 10min/mi pace? While I struggle to run for more than 2 minutes without my heart rate going through the roof. Why are there so many women that no longer feel nauseous after 14 weeks, and here I am almost 30 and still throwing up? Where is this pregnancy glow I've been hearing so much about?

I honestly don't understand why any woman would do this to themselves again and have a second child.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate my unborn child, I know this precious little thing inside of me is growing and preparing to make her grand entrance into the world, and I am absolutely not placing any blame on her. I love knowing that my body is capable of creating life. I love the thought of becoming a mother, but this pregnancy has just been hard. I mean I asked for this, in fact I paid a lot of money for this to happen. I want to be happy, but for some reason I just can't be. All I can think about is the fact that I can't wait until this is all over. When I can finally have my body back.

I decided to do a little research and I came across a website talking about "antenatal depression". On this website a woman shared her story about pregnancy. she said

"Where was my pregnancy glow?  Why did I feel like all I did was complain, vent and whine?" and “I just remember feeling a crushing weight and numbness. I wanted to not be pregnant anymore ...all my joy left like I was in a vacuum – and I was suddenly convinced a new baby was the end of everything as I knew it.”

This is exactly how I am feeling and it actually makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone in these thoughts. I'm going to keep research about antenatal depression, because I don't like feeling like this. There is one quote that has been crossing my mind a lot lately and I think it's kind of my motto right now.

This is what I need to hear.

To end this post on a more positive note, I really am excited to be a mother and I cannot wait to meet Zoe in the flesh. One thing I have loved about this pregnancy is feeling her little (sometimes not so little) kicks and punches. It's incredible to think that there is a life growing inside of me and as much as I am complaining, I am already honored to be her mother!

Pregnancy Update: Week 28

Whew, first week of the 3rd trimester down! Zoe (or Zobot as I like to call her) and I have been pretty active this week. She is kicking like...well, something that kicks a lot (donkey?) Sometimes I think she really wants out, like right now! I think it's starting to really become a reality to me that I have a living being in my belly right now. It's crazy that when she's wiggling around in there, I can press when I feel movement and she reacts by punching/kicking my hand away (feeling the love). I cannot wait to meet here, I think I'm already getting a sense of her personality. I think she is going to be a feisty little thing.

As far as the exercise realm goes, I am happy to report yet again, that I got in some sort of exercise 6 of the last 7 days. I even went to the gym this week and spent some time on the elliptical and lifting. I got a few encouraging looks, and a few discouraging looks. I even had one person comment that since I was still running/exercising while pregnant, I must not care about my baby, because it's the worst thing I can do. Not gonna lie that got me pretty upset (granted he was a man and an older one). Since becoming pregnant I've gotten a lot of advice I never asked for. I've heard more horror stories regarding pregnancy, labor, deliver, and postpartum life than I ever card to hear, but when people butt in with their unfounded opinions, it bothers be. Exercise is actually one of the best things I can do for me and my baby. In fact I wrote nearly and entire post about it. There are just too many benefits of staying active while pregnant to care about what others think. My OB is on board with my activity, so I'm not going to let him bring me down. Here is a quick look at what I did this past week:

• -Sunday 2/5 - 3 Mile walk
• -Monday 2/6 - 2 Mile walk and 30 min Run/Walk @ 5% incline
• -Tuesday 2/7 - 40 min walk and 1/2 mile run arm circuit, 1/2 mile run arm circuit (repeated 2x)
• -Wednesday 2/8 - 40 min walk, and 35 mins on elliptical followed by leg circuit
• -Thursday 2/9 - 40 min run/walk
• -Friday 2/10 - Rest
• Saturday 2/11 - 1 hour run/walk

I am happy with how last week went. I didn't really feel any discomfort when exercising, so I am excited to keep going. I ran outside on Saturday and again (like last Saturday) it felt so good to feel the breeze and fresh air. There were also so many smiling faces along the way. Looking forward to more activity from both me and Zoe this week!

My Journey Through Infertility Pt.2, Intrauterine insemination (IUI)

***Disclaimer: I'm getting down and dirty with my journey of infertility and the process involved. I will be using anatomical terms, sex and bodily fluids in my descriptions. Basically I want to paint as real of a picture as I can. If it's not something you think you can handle, I suggest you stop reading now.***

This is the 2^nd of a 3 part series discussing my journey with infertility. If you want to read the first part, you can find it here. For this part I'm going to be talking about Intrauterine insemination (IUI) also known as artificial insemination.

Once we realized that the Clomid was working, but not resulting in a pregnancy, our doctor sat down with us to discuss the next steps. He gave us 4 different options, continue on Clomid with ultrasound monitoring, have a laparoscopy performed to see if I had endometriosis (I mentioned earlier to him that I seemed to have all of the symptoms), do a procedure called IUI, move to in vitro fertilization (IVF), or do nothing and try on our own. He told us the most cost effective step was to move onto IUI, so that is what we chose to do. As a side note, I do want to clarify the cost of the "cost effective" IUI. Again, I have medical insurance, but it does not cover infertility treatments so we were paying completely out of pocket. The cost of the ultrasounds where still $250 a pop but now, each time I went in for the actual IUI procedure it was cost an additional $750.

With IUI, I had to continue taking the Clomid and go to the doctors office for 2 ultrasounds, the main difference being, that now my husband had to supply what they referred to as a "sample". This sample was taken and cleaned to remove any dead or slow swimmers. On my second ultrasound, I would lie down, feet in stirrups and the doctor would physically take my husbands semen and directly place it past my cervix. The reason for doing this is sometimes sperm is unable to travel through the cervix to the uterus because of weak swimmers or perhaps the shape of a women's tubes aren't conducive for easy swimming, etc. By placing the sperm directly in the uterus, it bypasses any reasons they might not have made it there on their own.

Here's a fun diagram for everyone.

Doctor F suggested we do this procedure up to 3 times, if it doesn't work after 3 times, then it will likely not work period. This process was a little more awkward than the previous treatment. Instead of a female nurse practitioner dimming the lights, quickly inserting the trans-vaginal probe and covering me back up while she looked at the screen, I had my doctor pull up a chair and pop a squat right in front of me and all my exposed glory. He would then work on getting the sperm to where it needed to be while making small talk with me. The entire process from me assuming the position on the table to the doctor taking off his gloves was about 5 minutes. The procedure itself was a little uncomfortable. I felt slight cramping each time and would bleed a little afterwards.

After 3 tries at IUI, we were still unsuccessful in actually making a baby. It's kind of crazy, I convinced myself that this procedure would work. The first procedure with the Clomid and ultrasounds only were to make sure I was ovulating. I know I didn't have any tube blockage thanks to the dye test I'd done earlier. This procedure was putting the sperm right where it needed to be, it had to work. When it didn't, I again felt like a failure. After the last failed pregnancy test, my doctor brought us in immediately to talk about what to do next. Again, we were presented with the same exact options, although my husband and I were considering a 5th option at this point, adoption.

Stay tuned for the last and final in my series about infertility...

Pregnancy update: Week 27

Woo hoo, I have finally reached the 3rd trimester. It's crazy how fast it seemed to creep up, but it's also crazy to think I still have 3 months left! I'm not gonna lie, I am over being pregnant. I have been browsing a lot of pregnancy forums lately, and I must say, I think I should stop complaining so much, because there are a lot of women out there who are due around the same time as me, who are having it worse than me. Constant peeing, fatigue, hemorrhoids, loss of balance, hip, rib and back pain is just the start of some of these ladies complaints. I have been so far lucky to not really experience any of these ailments. I do have some back pain if I've been up and about for a long period of time (walking 4+ miles), but even then, it's not really that bad. I don't have the "urge" to pee really anymore than I did prior to pregnancy.

I really only have two complaints. The first, I am still experiencing morning sickness. Yep, I am one of the "lucky ones" (as my doctor says) who might experience the loveliness of nausea and vomiting throughout my entire pregnancy. The other complaint, the feeling of being incredibly full, all the freaking time. I have found that I often have to choose between eating and drinking. Not both, If I eat and drink, my stomach feels like it's bursting at the seam. It's uncomfortable to breathe, walk, sit, or lie down at that point. I still haven't mastered the art of small meals several times a day and am still eating like my old ways (3 big meals). I was proud of myself for the last two days in that I finally ate smaller meals and snacked in between.

As far as how my fitness plan has been going...it's been going great so far. For the last 3 weeks, I have consistently done some sort of activity at least 5x per week. Here is a glimpse of what last week looked like:

• - Sunday, 1/29 - 4.5 mile walk
• - Monday, 1/30 - 2 mile walk
• - Tuesday, 1/31 - 3 mile walk
• - Wednesday, 2/1 - 30 min run/walk + leg circuit
• - Thursday, 2/2 - 3 mile walk
• - Friday, 2/3 - 35min on elliptical + leg circuit
• - Saturday, 2/4 - 3 mile run/walk
• - Sunday, 2/5 - 3 mile walk

Shameless bathroom selfie after Saturday's run/walk.

There is definitely room for improvement in last week. The 2 previous weeks, I was sticking pretty well to my no excuses preggo workout plan, but this week I didn't feel like hoping on the treadmill so much. I need to start doing my upper body circuits more, I have no upper body strength, and I'm going to need it for lugging a baby around.

I'm happy that I am running again and still. There was about a 10 week period where I wasn't running t all because I was so sick. While running is difficult (in fact I've dubbed my running "wogging") and slow now, it still feels great to get out there and put some miles in. I hope to keep it up as long as my body allows. Welp, that's all for now! 

My Journey Through Infertility Pt.1, Clomid and ultrasound

***Disclaimer: I'm getting down and dirty with my journey of infertility and the process involved. I will be using anatomical terms, sex and bodily fluids in my descriptions. Basically I want to paint as real of a picture as I can. If it's not something you think you can handle, I suggest you stop reading now.***

This is the first of a series of posts about my journey with infertility. I was thinking I could cover it all in 3 parts.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive since July of 2012 (about 4 years). At this point we had been married for just over 2 years. Now when I say "trying", I simply mean we stopped using all preventative measures. Fast forward to about October 2014. It had been over 2 years, and no baby. In all honesty, I didn't think much of it. As a health major, I new there was a very small window of the perfect time to get pregnant and I just assumed we were missing that perfect window each time. It wasn't until I read an article that said

In a study of 346 women:
38 percent were pregnant after 1 month.
68 percent were pregnant after 3 months.
81 percent were pregnant after 6 months.
92 percent were pregnant after 12 months.
In their conclusion, the researchers wrote, “Most couples conceive within six cycles with timed intercourse.” After a year of trying without conceiving, experts say you should see a fertility specialist.

We took the articles advice and decided to talk to my gyno about what could be done. The first test I was given was a test called a hysterosalpingogram. During the hysterosalpingogram dye was injected into my uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix. My uterine cavity fills with dye and if the fallopian tubes are open, dye fills the tubes (which gave me a super crampy feeling) and spills into the abdominal cavity. This shows whether my fallopian tubes are open or blocked. The radiologist administering the test said that a lot of time after getting this test done, women get pregnant because the dye pushing through the tubes clears out things that could have been partially blocking.

The test came back saying I did not have blocked fallopian tubes and the magic dye didn't seem to magically cure me. After that test, my husband got his little swimmers checked and all was good with him. My gyno referred me to see a specialist (Dr. Foulk). After meeting with Dr. Foulk he decided to start me on a pill called Clomid. They explained the cost and what the procedure would be. At the beginning of my cycle I would go in for an ultrasound. Mind you, this isn't the cute little ultrasound you see on T.V. or the movies. You know the one where the women lays down and the doctor puts a big glob of lube on her tummy and them places the ultrasound on top and takes a look. this was a transvaginal ultrasound. The type of ultrasound where I was bare from the waist down, legs up in stirrups, and a probe with an ultrasound on the end (covered by a condom) was inserted into my vagina (plus it was $250 a pop [our insurance did not cover fertility treatments 😞]).
.

For all you visual people out there, here is a transvaginal probe.

They wanted to make sure my body was primed ad ready to start my cycle. Before leaving the doctors office they scheduled an appointment near the end of my cycle for me to come back in for another ultrasound. I was then instructed to take Clomid for about a week. After about 2ish weeks, I had to take an ovulation test everyday for 3 days. If I received a positive, I was to call the doctors office right away to go in for another lovely ultrasound, of I didn't, I would show up for the ultrasound they scheduled at the beginning and if it didn't look like I was ovulating, I received an hCG injection in the butt. The doctor would then give me what he called "homework", which meant my husband and I need to have sex that night and the following night.

This cycle of ultrasound, Clomid, ultrasound, hCG, homework, continued for another year. I know a lot of couples out there would live to start doing the homework, but I have to tell you, in my experience it became a chore. Sex couldn't be all that spontaneous (my husband wasn't allowed to ejaculate at all a week prior to our homework sessions), because it was so planned out. I started to become really frustrated and couldn't understand how there were so many "oops" babies in the world.

I became bitter at all my friends who one month would tell me they were gong to try for a baby, and the next month telling me the "good news". I really wanted to be happy for them but I actually felt very lonely and dysfunctional. It doesn't matter what you think we are here on this Earth for, but biologically speaking, humans are here to reproduce and here I was not able to do the one thing that should have come so naturally. I felt like less of a women.  That year was a low point for me. It was hard knowing that both my husband and I wanted children so badly, and it was my fault we couldn't have them.

After a year of unsuccessful Clomid attempts, Dr. Fould wanted us to move on to the next phase, Intrauterine insemination (IUI or artificial insemination). Click here to read part 2.

Workout Plans

Alright! So I got up off my butt after my last post and went on my new indoor trainer...it was tough. It is crazy how out of shape I've gotten and how much harder things are when you are pregnant. In the past I have done very well with running consistently by creating a training plan. I was always excited and felt accomplished when I could cross a workout off my list. So, I decided to do something similar and create workouts that I could do each day. It's made me excited to work out again now that I have a plan, I'm just hoping this motivation can stick around long enough, that it becomes a habit, and I can just do it, no motivation needed.

What is this plan I've come up with...Drum roll please...

And there it is. I did my first workout yesterday. I'm laughing now because I thought it would be super easy. Running a 1/2 mile then do some weights, then run again. I said to myself, it's only a half of a mile I can easily run that. Well, jokes on me. I struggled. The first 1/2 mile run was the toughest, I probably ran about half and walked half. The next rounds of running weren't as bad, but I am monitoring my heart rate so I had to stop and walk some of the time because of that. It felt so good to be out there though. For a few minutes I actually felt like a runner again. I did the Wednesday work out today and spent 30 minutes on an elliptical. Not my favorite cardio workout, but it got the job done and I feel great!

Welp that's about all I've got for an update for right now. My next post will be a series of my infertility and IVF journey.

Updates and Exciting News

It's been a very long while. I originally stopped posting because my blog is entitled "Runlove", but i haven't been doing much running. I plan to dedicate a few posts on the reason why, but in short. I am pregnant!!!

4 more to go (women are pregnant for 10 months, who knew)!

This pregnancy has been such a long time coming. My hubby and I have been trying to conceive for the last 4 plus years. We finally decided to to in vitro fertilization (IVF), and it was a success! I really want to write a few posts on the IVF process, what I went through, how I felt, etc.. because when I was starting it, I could find a lot of personal experiences of IVF especially related to running. Before I launch into my all about in vitro story, I do want to talk about little Baybay Day. Well first off...

We got the positive on 8/27/2016 and I am due on 4/28/2017. I had this amazing plan to run all through pregnancy up until the day I gave birth. Ha...and then reality set in. Here are my reasons for the lack of running

1. I wasn't allowed to run after 7/31/2016 (the day of my half marathon) for at least one month while going through IVF treatments. This is a rule I was aware of when we received instructions for IVF. I knew the San Francisco Half would be my last run for a while, but I planned to start running again as soon as I could.
2. I was very sick and am still sick to this day. It's funny that they call it "morning sickness" when it lasts all morning, noon, and night. This so-called "morning" sickness derailed all my running plans. In the past, if I was tired, had a migraine, or even wasn't feeling well, going on a run was the cure (at least a temporary one). While I was running, I no longer felt sick, or tired, or had a migraine. This was not true with nausea. Running made it worse. In fact even standing made it worse. I felt better while lying down. I started feeling sick at about 10 weeks in. I started taking a drug called Diclegis (the only class A FDA approved drug for morning sickness), which has actually helped me feel a lot better, but leads me to #3
3. All of this non running for about 4 months total, led to one super out of shape woman. I barely did anything while feeling sick. I made it to work (and often times had to leave early because I was throwing up 10 plus times a day) and then came home to lie down. When I finally got on Diclegis and started feeling better, it was too late. I would run about a quarter of a mile and be so out of breath I would have to stop and very slowly walk. Mind you, when I say "run" I'm meaning I was running at about a 14 minute mile. I understand for some this is the norm, but I have a hard time keeping running motions at anything less than that, otherwise it turns into walking motions. 

It is crazy. For the last 3 years, running came relatively easy for me. It wasn't hard to get myself out the door during training, but now I finding it hard to have motivation to even go on a walk. Laziness has set in bad. Prior to my running days I never did anything that could really be construed as regular exercise, however once the running bug hit (after about a month of running), I was out there (barring any injuries) 4-5x per week. I just never thought I'd be here, not running with no motivation for exercising. I know there are still many aerobic exercises I can safely do while pregnant, but I think I've gone so long doing absolutely nothing, that I've become comfortable. Racing was a big motivation for me to keep running day in and day out, but now I can't race. There are so many good reasons to stay active during pregnancy including:

• - gaining too much weight
• - eases aches and pains
• - lowers gestational diabetes risk
• - easier and shorter labor
• - easier to lose the weight postpartum
• - bounce back quicker postpartum

These are all great reasons, but there are for some reason not motivating enough. I am just over the 6 month mark of this pregnancy, and my hope is to get in more exercise while I still can. I hear the 3rd trimester is a doozy and I hope to get back in the habit of exercise before then. They say it takes 21 days to make a habit, and that's about all I have left before I start the 3rd trimester. In fact let me get off my butt now and get on my indoor trainer!

Please stay tuned for some posts about the sh@#t I wish someone would have told me about pregnancy and my IVF story.